Just before Christmas I had the pleasure of being invited to appear on the Nick Coffer show on BBC 3 Counties Radio. It was a fantastic opportunity to talk about my newly released book Kingdom of your Mind and my reasons for writing it. Seeing behind the scenes of how a radio show works was also fascinating. I have always had such admiration for people who can talk freely when under the pressure of a live show. The skill and confidence required to deliver a smooth and seamless production is impressive, I think I would be permanently worried about developing a nervous Tourette like condition under the pressure and just begin shouting out random words! This is definitely why, on the whole, I a comfier hiding behind written word. I do love delivering workshops and presentations but my comfort zone is definitely behind a computer screen.

It is because of this that in the days leading up to appearing on the show I had to overcome a number of my own personal insecurities and fears. I have always struggled with putting myself right in the centre of attention but am also aware that in order to do the work that I do this is an essential part of the process. Over the years I have learnt through countless experiences that some of the greatest personal rewards have come by stepping out of my circle of comfort and into the world of the unknown. However, whilst my logical mind knows that this is the case, my instinct is still to feel sick, nervous, full of fear and an overwhelming urge to run as far from the challenge. I know from my work with people from all walks of life that I am far from alone in these feelings. I have worked with clients who are at the very top of their game. They are known and respected world wide for their knowledge and skill in their field and yet they will still say that when it comes to leaving their zone of comfort they too experience self doubt, fear and insecurity.

These are common and logical reactions to entering an unknown situation. It is our body and minds way of protecting us. This situation is unknown, it could be dangerous, you may get hurt … whilst we know that nowadays there are very few situations that we face where we are putting ourselves into direct danger our neurological make up is still very much one of protection and being alert for risk and harm. When faced with these physical responses of panic, fear and a churning stomach prior to an experience out of our comfort zone it’s important to recognise that your body is just trying to keep you safe.

One of the ways that I manage this very natural response is to thank my body and mind for trying to protect me but that on this occasion the risk of real danger is low. I also remind myself that if I can just overcome this initial hump of fear the relief and reward of coming out the other side will equip me to face similar situations better in the future. Most of us will have experienced that wonderful feeling of relief that follows after conquering something that was feeling daunting. Rather than focusing on the nerves and anxiety try to focus and visualise yourself in that place of relief following the success of the event. It is emotionally impossible to feel relief and nerves at the same time so if you can focus your mind on how good that will feel it will quickly begin to subside the nerves.

As well as employing these methods yourself teaching the children to understand these natural reactions and helping them to learn ways of managing them is such a valuable tool. Imagine if you had learnt to harness your fear and nerves as a child? What could you have faced and achieved in life that you may otherwise have shied away from. It is such a gift to teach them that what they are feeling is perfectly natural and to help them to understand it and see it for what it is. Another valuable method to use with children is to get them to explain how they feel when they are nervous. Next get them to explain how they feel when they are excited. Chances are the two experiences are quite similar physically so helping them to see the similarities and explaining to them that actually excitement can feel very similar to nerves. If they can reframe what they are experiencing as an excited feeling rather than a nervous feeling it will help them to see the situation they are about to face with a more positive lens.

If you are interested in the interview you can listen to it here. It is about 2 hrs 15 minutes into the show. You will be pleased to hear that I held myself together and didn’t once shout out any random words. I also got to meet the very wonderful Tony Hadley who is now the proud owner of a copy of the book. This is something that definitely wouldn’t have happened if I had run away from the initial opportunity. What a great reward for courage!

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Hannah Ciepiela is a Psychological Life and Executive Coach and Author. Based in Hitchin, Hertfordshire she provides coaching to help and guide clients through transitional and challenging periods in their life.

For more information and testimonials visit www.ehccoaching.com. Facebook. Instagram. Linked IN or call 07940 525792 for an informal chat about whether coaching is the right path for you.