There is a great misunderstanding around the titles of Introverted and Extroverted personalities. If I asked you to name an extroverted person in your life it probably wouldn’t take to long for someone to spring to mind. We all know that person that is ever present and full of life. If I asked you to do the same with naming an introvert that you know, you could probably think of someone but they may be less likely to leap to the forefront of your mind - not surprising? That’s surely the nature of introversion?

Or is it …..?

Things aren’t always as they seem

The way that we define introverts and extroverts is quite misunderstood. Asked to describe a typical extrovert your description may go along the lines of the following:

Outgoing. Lively. Surrounded by friends. Loud. Chatty. Popular. “The all round life and soul of the party.”

Asked to do the same for introversion the list may stereotypically look a little different;

Shy. Retiring. Withdrawn. Studious. Quiet. Standoffish. Insular. “Keeps themselves to themselves” .. And at the far end of the spectrum - serial killer or some form of stalker!

Whilst there are obviously some grounds to these stereotypes the reality of what defines introversion and extroversion is quite different to what people tend to understand. If you met me on a good day you would, based on face value, immediately put me into the first category of extroverted descriptions. I have always worked in roles that require me to put myself out there and, in a group of people socially, I can be as chatty and lively as the next person. I can totally fit into an extrovert skin. But only for a short while and this is where the real difference comes in ..

Don’t make me people for too long

The official definition of categorising between these two personality traits is quite different to what a lot of people believe. As proven by the stereotypes mentioned earlier, it is a common misconception that how you portray yourself outwardly is enough to determine which camp you fall into. Whilst this can, of course, be an indicator it isn’t actually the real definition.

The official trait that defines whether you an introvert or an extrovert is actually where you draw your energy from. A lot of people will declare that their energy either comes from sleep or from the bottom of a good cup of latte but, when you stop and get curious about your patterns of behaviour, you will begin to see that certain situations will drain you much quicker than others.

Ever found yourself disproportionally exhausted at the end of a day and wondered why your internal flow of energy feels so low. Understanding the importance of your extrovert or introvert tendencies can be the key to unlocking the explanation as to why this happens.

Energising your extrovert

Someone with an extrovert personality type will draw their energy from being around people. The buzz of talking, socialising and collaborating with others feeds the energy that they need to create, work, love and live as effectively as possible. On the flip side if you are of an extroverted nature you will find that periods of solitude and lack of social interaction will be draining and leave you feeling flat, tired and lethargic. Your battery recharges from that contact and the opportunities that put you in contact with others. It is important to recognise that experiencing situations that leave you without this social contact on a regular basis will not leave you feeling great as a person.

Inspiring your inner introvert

If, on the other hand, you have an introvert personality your experiences of life will be quite different to that of an extrovert. It is quite possible that you may describe your childhood and potentially adult life as feeling like you’ve been trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Society has become an extrovert playground and extroversion as a whole is celebrated on a regular basis. Media, schools, workplace,

Unlike extroverts introverts get their energy from quiet time spent alone or in very select small groups. They find being in high energy social situations extremely draining. This can sometimes be to the point that if they experience too many of these situations in a row they can be left exhausted for days afterwards.

Many introverts go through their life not understanding themselves as such and as a result this can leave them frustrated, confused and often angry at themselves. Understanding and embracing your introversion is the first step in healing. It is not a failing, it is not a weakness, it is in no way a character flaw. It is simply the way that you are made up and, in this extroverted world, it is very important that you are kind to yourself and create the space and time that you need to recharge. No matter how much you throw yourself at things you will never become an extrovert, you will simply burn yourself out and be left feeling drained and exhausted. You are perfect as you are. Accepting and treating yourself in the right way will only enrich that.

Just as one car runs on diesel and another on petrol. One is not superior to the other, they both just have different requirements to run at maximum efficiency.

Make sure that you are giving yourself the right fuel to function.

Hannah Ciepiela is a Psychological Life and Executive Coach and Author. Based in Hitchin, Hertfordshire she provides coaching to help and guide clients through transitional and challenging periods in their life.

For more information and testimonials visit www.ehccoaching.com. Facebook. Instagram. Linked IN or call 07940 525792 for an informal chat about whether coaching is the right path for you.